Friday, June 23, 2017

HOW TO AVERT USELESS ARGUMENTS


Photo provided by Kathy Mitchell


A devotion written by Steve Long

Sometimes arguments are needed because they are the only way we can communicate our point of view to another. There is a right way to argue and a wrong way. I am not always sure about the right way, but shouting and throwing things is not the right way!

But do you sometimes find yourself arguing about something that is pointless? Do conflicts between you and those you love escalate but not abate? Have you ever said something with agitation in your voice that garnered an equally agitated reaction until one or both of you were left with hurt feelings and a sour taste? As your emotions accelerated have you ever said something you wished you hadn’t?
There is a principle in God’s word that I have seen work very beautifully. I hope you will consider it the next time someone gets in your face and spills out caustic verbiage.

A soft answer turns away wrath,
        But a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly,
        But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.
                                                                      Proverbs 15.1-2

A “soft answer” does not mean appeasing compromise. It is not fair to others or to ourselves if we enable others for their wrong behavior. It is not necessarily Spiritual when we become too agreeable. We should agree when we can but not while compromising godly convictions.

Years ago, when I was a pastor, my wife and I received a late night phone call to our home. She answered. The voice on the other end was loud, harsh and shrill, pouring out accusations with anger. It was directed at both of us.

I was sure that the caller was the one at fault and asked her to hand me the phone. I was going to give this individual a piece of my mind. I thought, “How dare they talk to my wife like that, and how dare they falsely accuse us both.”

Wisely, she didn’t give me the phone, and wisely, she never increased her volume but spoke in calm, even tones, speaking the truth in love. She never gave the individual on the other end of the line any justification for raising their voice. This caused things to settle and caused the angry accuser to look at things more realistically. Before they both hung up the phone, I heard the antagonist’s voice cool down into quietness. Surprisingly, the caller actually apologized for speaking such harsh words.

Neither my wife nor I had any trouble going to sleep that night but felt blessed that things had turned out as they had. I was amazed at how the Lord had used her soft answer to turn away someone’s wrath.

I wonder how it would have gone if she had handed me the telephone that night. I might have returned their accusations with accusations of my own. The volume and tone of our conversation might have intensified until we both got more and more irrational. Then, neither of us would be willing to listen to the other, only wanting rather to make our own points loudly and clearly. Instead, the conversation ended with peacefulness rather than with perpetual punches.

I cannot guarantee that your soft answers will produce the same results every time. Some people are too irrational to hear what you have to say regardless of the tone or volume. But “harsh words stir up anger.” Speaking harshly to another might cause them to shut up, but it will never quell any hard feelings they might have toward you.


Next time someone jumps on your case about something, try to answer them truthfully but gently and see how God might use it in both of your lives.

Written by Steve Long

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