FORGIVENESS OR ENABLING

     

     Today while shopping at Hobby Lobby I was intrigued by a conversation going on between two people standing behind me at the checkout counter.  

     I was very interested in this conversation because it was actually a topic I had been doing a small amount of research on.  Planning to dive deeper into this study someday, I had set it aside in order to work on more important things.  

     As they continued to talk I couldn't help but join into the conversation.  The woman about my age obviously has a daughter that is troubled and lives a life of theft.  The lifestyle she has chosen has not only cost the stores she takes from but it has also cost her family.  She has stolen money from her own mother and the question being asked was, 

     "How can you continue to buy her things and take care of her after she has done so many bad things?"  

     Just cut the strings and be done with her. 

    This mother's heart was broken as she explained to her niece that it was the love of a mother that never gives up on her child.

     The niece totally unsatisfied with that answer could only tell this mother how wrong she was and how she was going to be taken advantage of again and again because of what she called, mercy and love.  

     As I continued to listen, it was decided that I would complete my article on forgiveness and enabling.  I handed them my card that has the blog on it and asked them to read the blog once it was posted.  

What Mercy and Forgiveness is and is not

     Mercy and Forgiveness does not give you a free pass to hurt me again.  Therefore I love you and I will show mercy on you by being your mother/father and friend, but not allowing you to move back into my home.  Even though you think I am cruel and unforgiving you must understand that everything has consequences.  If holding you accountable, you experience pain, it wasn't me that induced the pain.  It was you.  

     Mercy and Forgiveness does give me a free pass to be healed.  Therefore I will show mercy and forgiveness to you so that I no longer harbor bad emotions inside of myself that are harmful.  

     Does this mean that it is wrong for someone to buy their daughter, son, husband, or parent an item that expresses love?  

     No, but be sure that in doing so you are not making a cushioned path for them to walk in order to fall into the same bad behavior that caused you grief and sorrow to begin with. 

     Many times, the person in the wrong will try to make you feel guilty when you are a person of love and compassion.  They do this in order to gain ground with you so they can have their fix, whatever it may be.  There are people out there looking for a fix of money, drugs, sex, pornography, or items to fulfill their emptiness.  

Your part is to make sure you are not enabling them to get those things.  

  You can continue to love that person and be nice to them but there has to be some firm nonnegotiable boundaries.  If you let the walls down, chances are you are going to be wounded by their addiction.  An important thing to remember in the midst of the whole event is you are not fighting with that person; you are fighting that person's addiction.  

     There may come a time that in order to continue a relationship of any kind with that person that you both find a counselor that can help the person with the addiction and also help you understand how far your boundaries need to be set without feeding their addiction.  

     If you are at the point that you are asking the question, 

     Is me showing mercy and forgiveness repeatedly enabling this person to continue in their addiction?  

     Then it's time you reached out a hand and told the person.  

     "Listen, I love you and want to show you mercy and forgiveness but together we must seek a counselor.  We need someone who can help me understand where the boundaries need to be set.  Secondly it needs to be someone who can help you understand where and when it 's time to stop crossing the boundaries."  

     This way you are both moving toward a healthier wiser relationship that will not only benefit yourself but will benefit your friends and family members also.  

HAPPY HEALING!

Be not deceived; God is not mocked:

 for whatsoever a man soweth, 

that shall he also reap.

For he that soweth to his flesh 

shall of the flesh reap corruption; 

but he that soweth to the Spirit 

shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

And let us not be weary in well doing:

for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

As we have therefore opportunity, 

let us do good unto all men, 

especially unto them who are 

of the household of faith.

Gal 6:7-10

 Be ye therefore followers of God, 
as dear children;
And walk in love, 
as Christ also hath loved us,
and hath given himself for us
 an offering and a sacrifice to God
 for a sweetsmelling savour. 
But fornication, and all 
uncleanness, or covetousness, 
let it not be once named among you, 
as becometh saints; 
Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, 
which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks
For this ye know, that no whoremonger, 
nor unclean person, nor covetous man, 
who is an idolater, 
hath any inheritance in the kingdom 
of Christ and of God. Let no man deceive you 
with vain words: for because of these things cometh
 the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. 
Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
For ye were sometimes darkness, 
but now are ye light in the Lord: 
walk as children of light: 
(For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness
 and righteousness and truth;) 
Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord, 
And have no fellowship with the 
unfruitful works of darkness, 
but rather reprove them. For it is a shame 
even to speak of those things which are 
done of them in secret. 
But all things that are reproved 
are made manifest by the light: 
for whatsoever doth make 
manifest is light. 
Wherefore he saith, Awake thou 
that sleepest, and arise from the dead, 
and Christ shall give thee light.
 See then that ye walk circumspectly, 
not as fools, but as wise, 
Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 
Wherefore be ye not unwise, 
but understanding what the will of the Lord is
Ephesians 5:1-17