WHEN THE HEART DOESN'T HEAL

     Recently there has been much discussion about our country being on a downhill slide.  We are seeing weekly children being posted on Facebook and television as missing.  I was listening to an interview on the radio with the founder of Traffic911.  She was sharing her heart about the many children being abused and sold into sex slaves.  My heart broke for not standing up and doing everything I can possibly to in order to get pornography put out of business.  She stated that of all the people they arrest when they find these children, Ninety percent of them started out viewing pornography as a young person. 

     Did you hear that?  They probably would not be where they are today if they had avoided this one thing.

     I have been helping a group of woman deal with some issues on this topic and I have heard many opinions on this matter.  I would like to share with you some of the opinions and hopefully help others understand the devastation pornography causes.

•      I have decided that my parents fought over this subject and it caused a lot of marriage problems and emotional problems with us children so I plan to avoid the subject in my marriage. 

• I believe it's something that will never really cause an issue in my marriage as long as I am not asked to participate in it.

• It's something that my husband needs as he is getting older and having a difficult time with his sex drive.  It enhances our marriage. 

• I just never expected him to get this deeply involved in it.

• I think younger men grew up seeing it as being a regular part of life and so it's something I have to accept if I plan to have a marriage relationship.

     Each of these ladies is now weeping on a regular basis for their marriages and for their mates.  What people need to realize is pornography is like a drug.  Once a person begins to inhale it the drive gets stronger and stronger.  The more you give into this drive the stronger it becomes.  Pornography is an addiction that is destroying families. 

     We have swept this matter under the rug for so long that the rug can no longer conceal it.  It is creeping out the sides and we are seeing it wound the innocent children of America. 

     Pornography will always, always, always leave a scar on someone's life.  You might say, "I have never physically wounded anyone by looking at pornography."   I must say, "Oh yes you have."  You may have never raped an individual but you have left some scars on lives of your children, your wife or husband or your parents, when you continue to partake of it. 

     We have thousands of young teenage girls cutting themselves because they can't meet up to what is being plastered across magazine covers and on every grocery checkout counter.  Many of them would never try to meet up to that but yet their hearts break because they feel as a young teenage girl that their husband-to-be will never think they are beautiful.  Some people have given up on relationships because we are all so messed up now days. 

     I am writing this article to warn others of the devastation this addiction causes.  To the person involved in the pornography it doesn't seem to be that large of an issue, but for those living around that person they will tell you a different story. 

     I am going to share with you three stories of women broken by this addiction and hope it will either help other women dealing with this topic or it will help some gentleman realize where this addiction can lead to. 

     Note:  I keep using the word addiction because pornography produces the same craving as heroin, cigarettes, and alcohol. 

     The families affected by pornography live the same lifestyles as the families that has an alcoholic parent.  People will spend all their time, money and thinking process focusing on this topic instead of their family and work.  If it's caught early, it's easier to take care of but if it's an issue that the person has gotten by with for a very long time then it will be harder to be set free.  They need to seek guidance on how to be set free.  There are plenty of Christian Counselors available to help with this topic.  Julie Dozier is a longtime friend of mine and has just opened a practice in Abilene to help families cope with this subject. 

     I am going to call my first friend Jennifer.  Jennifer was one of the most beautiful ladies I had ever met.  She had an angelic voice and loved the Lord with all her heart but always seemed to have lots of medical problems and struggled with depression.  Many times she would stay in her room for days upon days.  As the years passed I found out her husband was involved in pornography and then I realized why Jennifer never understood how beautiful she was.  After several years her husband fell deeper and deeper until it finally destroyed their marriage completely.  As her husband grew older he developed a disease and had nobody to care for him.  Deeply wounded and broken, my dear friend Jennifer goes regularly and cares for the person who totally destroyed her self esteem and her life. We think it should be easy to regain that self esteem but until you walk in these ladies shoes you will never know the deep horror and pain that eats away on the soul and body.  Jennifer is the perfect example of forgiveness.  We don't have to embrace and stay united but we do have to forgive in order to move on in life.  If your forgiveness involves ministering to the one who hurt you the most than we pray a special blessing over your life. 

     One day, the Lord may set Jennifer free from caring for him but as for now, she needs our prayer for strength and endurance.

     The second person was a young beautiful blonde who would have loved to be a model.  She was very gifted and also had an extremely beautiful voice.  She was easy going and loved life.  Her husband began to view pornography and they talked about it often but it was something available on the coffee table to him growing up so it was a way of life.  As the years passed she began to see things that lead her to believe he was getting involved deeper.  Again confrontation with the end results being the same.  As a few more years passed she began to find things that scared her and wounded her deeply.  There is no marriage relationship and this woman with the greatest of all self esteem sits broken and dying inside. 

     The last woman shared her story of the painful depth pornography causes.  As she found out her husband was looking at pornography she felt hurt but felt it was something they could work through.  Later she found out he was drawing pictures of friends she was acquainted with and was staying up late watching movies with nudity.  Her self esteem began to drop.  All she wanted to do was to die. Instead her husband requested she began to fix herself up and dress sexy for her him so he could get away from the other desires.  This went on for years only to find out that he was deeper than before in his addiction.  She began to abuse her own body thinking the clawing of her skin would relieve the deep emotional pain.  She cried out to ministers for help, read books and researched everything she could to help them get through this problem.  She would wake up shaking all over with trauma.  Her nerves began to be so destroyed that her husband even felt like she needed to seek mental help.  As the addictions grew so did the trauma and emotional problems with this lady.  She finally decided that if she just got as far away from him, most of the time, and still hold their marriage together she would at least not know what was going on and therefore be able to cope.  This worked for a period of time, until she found out he was falling deeper and deeper into the depths of this addiction.  As she explained, her pain began like a tiny sore, each time the sore became larger and larger until finally the sore wouldn't heal.  The sore became so deep that cancer set in and the body began to eat away.  This was the feeling of total devastation with a heart that doesn't heal.  God is the only one that can take her body and make it whole again.  To restore this deep wound back to what it was before.  

     What most people don't realize is you can try everything yourself and get no results.  All three of these woman were told by their Christian husbands that if they would do such and such it would help them break the pattern.  This pattern can only be broken by the person with the addiction so if you are out there and going through this, don't try to fix it by meeting up.  Don't try to look prettier, sexier, cook better, have a cleaner house, make the children obey better or become a sex goddess yourself.  All these things will only bring devastation to yourself and in the end, your mate will still have an addiction.  The bottom line is, HE first has to admit HE has the addiction, then HE has to reach out and get help to overcome it. 

      We are seeing young men posting woman posing on Facebook and making it look and sound so wonderful.  Why don't you start interviewing these men after they have lost their wives, children and jobs because of this addiction.  It will leave you alone, empty and longing for more.  So why do we keep pushing it out there into everyone's face and making it look like the best thing ever?

     Here is a scripture that was brought to my attention this past week.  I think it's time we allow God to have the reigns once again if we want to live in a land that flourishes instead of a land that is dry and broken.

Let God arise, let his enemies be scattered: let them also that hate him flee before him.  As smoke is driven away, so drive them away: as wax melteth before the fire, so let the wicked perish at the presence of God. But let the righteous be glad; let them rejoice before God: yea, let them exceedingly rejoice.  Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: extol him that rideth upon the heavens by his name JAH, and rejoice before him.  A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation.  God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.  O God, when thou wentest forth before thy people, when thou didst march through the wilderness; Selah: The earth shook, the heavens also dropped at the presence of God: even Sinai itself was moved at the presence of God, the God of Israel.