Photo provided by Kathy Mitchell
The steps of a good man are ordered
by the LORD: and he delighteth in
his way. Though he fall, he
shall not be utterly cast down:
for the LORD upholdeth him with
his hand.
Psalm 27:23-24
Your steps are ordered by the Lord.
Sometimes in life we may have wondered if
this statement is true.
Growing up, I often heard the scripture
paraphrased, "The Lord will not allow things
to be put upon us that we can't handle but he
would make a way of escape."
I have found the way of escape
is one we don't always desire to
take. Sometimes it may force us
to show tough love and there are
times we would rather verbally
argue than to show that tough
love.
Tough love may be a path that makes
life tougher not only for the other
person but perhaps for you. It may
mean you also have to become tougher,
work harder, or suck up pride.
You can choose to stay in a relationship
doing the same things, still getting the
same results, not understanding the
proper way to love and be loved.
Or, you can show tough love and find
you will both grow stronger due to your
willingness to be stronger than the battle
you are presently facing.
Love is more than a feeling. Love is
giving respect and support but it is also
about loving yourself enough to understand
that you are worth not being stepped
on and taken advantage of.
I have spoken to multiple people over
the last few months that just want to
throw in the towel on life and end it all.
I can personally tell you this isn't the
answer to your problem as it only moves
you out of the picture. Most of the time
the person acting out keeps living the same
as they previously did, so that the only thing
accomplished was to transfer that pain and
hurt to other loved ones or someone new.
Tough love draws the line and says, "Enough
is enough," and forces the other person to
face reality and see themselves for who
they really are and become a better person
though the process.
Most of the time, the person having to
administer tough love needs extra prayer
and support to stay strong and not run
back too soon, as running back too quickly
only shows the other person you will run
out of strength and melt. Then, they tend to
pick up right where they left off and continue
being the same person.
Whether you are struggling with someone
who is ill and has started demanding beyond
what is acceptable, or have a relationship
where the other person has become addicted
to alcohol, drugs or even pornography, the
only long lasting result is tough love.
There are times when distance makes
things worse.Most of the time, however
when dealing with a person who is ill, out of
control or addicted, it takes distance to clear
your mind and gain the strength needed to
face the battle that lies ahead.
Sometimes tough love is going for
a few hours at a time to a local
coffee shop, shopping center or park.
Sometimes it takes longer periods of time
before the person realizes their issues are
not acceptable and out of control.
Love yourself and the other person(s)
in your life today and show the kind
of love that is lasting and healthy.
Stay with your commitment by showing
tough love long term, for your loved one
may continually test your patience and
endurance.
Remember, the steps of a good man
are ordered by the Lord and it's up to
you to put your feet into those steps
and grow stronger instead of erasing
those steps by giving up.