PART VIII FINDING THE HEART OF GOD IN LIFE'S GREATEST STORM

Photo provided by Jana Long

Taken by Mike Mezuel II

 

Does it surprise you that Psalms 27

was my life chapter.  Well, it does me.

Only a few years prior to my great storm,

I was asked to speak at Calvary Baptist

Church in Andrews Texas.  I had never

spoken in front of Adults before and I turned

down the invitation.  As the ladies

continued to pray they seemed to believe I

was supposed to go and speak. 

My sister asked me one day, "If you

were to speak, what topic would you speak

on."  I instantly knew it would be Psalms 27

and told her and then I said, "But God isn't

calling me to speak at the meeting.  As they

prayed and God worked, things started

falling into place perfectly and I knew I was

supposed to go and speak.

 

I think the Lord wanted me to share this
chapter with others so I would nail it down
deep. ever so deep into my heart. 

It was only a few years later that this

chapter began to unfold and truly contain

every verse my life would live. 

 

There have been many question me about

why I am not putting myself out there and

travel and speak on a regular basis. 

I must say that I haven't felt this is what

the Lord has called me to do.  At least this

far he hasn't put this on my heart.  What

he has put on my heart is that I am to be

in His pavilion.  This verse didn't say he

wants me to be in his sanctuary but it says

in His pavilion.  I feel what the Lord is saying

in this verse is I want you in my secret hiding

place.  I want to put my arms of protection

around you and when others see your life

they will see the covering.  That covering is

the Lord Jesus Christ and this is my desire, that

when others see me they will look right past

who I am and the details of how I fashion my

life, but they will see how Christ has fashioned his

pavilion around me and so protected me that

others will see and know that he can love the

most unlovely and he has taken the time to

hide me in His pavilion,  His secret hiding place.

Did you notice the last part of verse 5?
It says,"he shall set me up upon a rock."
I don't think anyone else would understand
this chapter the way I do.  Is it a coincidence
this very verse the Lord pressed upon my
heart to claim as my life verse and then
my offender tell me he was going to bury
my body underneath this great rock. 
I am not sure what the Lord totally means
by,"He will set me up upon a rock," but I must
say I do believe his hand of protection
was all over my life. I also noticed this
verse didn't say, "He will set me upon a
rock."  Why would it say very
specifically that "He will set me UP
upon a rock. 

I must say that those last words ring
ever so true and had you lived in my
shoes you would feel the same as I did,
as everyday was such a struggle to walk,
to breath and to carry on with life.
The one thing that kept me going and
still sustains me today is the Lord
being the strength of my heart.

Psalms 27:13-14
I had fainted, unless I had believed to see
the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage,
and he shall strengthen thine heart:
wait, I say, on the LORD.

 

 

 

 

PART VII FINDING THE HEART OF GOD IN LIFE'S GREATEST STORMS

Photo provided by Jana Long

Taken by Mike Mezuel II

With you being the canvas and Christ
being the great artist, are you willing to
allow him to paint on the canvas the
strokes he knows it takes to produce
a masterpiece?

It is so difficult for me not to grab
the brush out of his hand and say,
"What do you think you are doing? 
You are ruining my canvas!  "You
should be adding vibrant colors here,
instead of the deep dark shading,
or you should have used my canvas
to paint a beautiful mountain top
with snowcaps!"

If you would have painted it with beautiful
mountain peaks, everyone who
viewed my life would look and be awe
struck at the beauty and majesty of the
perfection you painted.  A painting
that everyone would want to copy and
have their lives look like. 

I wanted to be the one who did it all right
so that others would be drawn into the
presence of the Holy Spirit to live
and serve the Lord with abundant
happiness, joy and total contentment." 


"Oh but no! You decided to create on this
canvas of mine, dark trenches and valleys. 
You decided to make the walk dangerous
and treacherous.  You made it appear that
serving you will be a rough rugged journey."

Gently the Lord says, "You are the one that
allowed me to hold the brush of your life."  Can
you not trust me until the last stroke and
see what the masterpiece will look like?"  Can
you just allow me to finish my work in and
through you and then you can decide if
the canvas is destroyed or if it will become
a wonderful masterpiece that will not only
draw the strong but it could also be
a masterpiece that when the broken and
wounded, heavy hearted and rejected see it
that they might want to join you at the stream
that flows so abundantly through the
center of the canvas. 

Can you continue to claim that life
scripture and allow me to focus
on what I feel will be a great masterpiece at
which time I will unveil it, and let you decide?

I must say, trusting God that he knows best
isn't always easy but I have seen a few
masterpieces that he has painted and
he has proven to be the greatest artist of
all times and I pray I will wake up daily and
say, "Lord, into your hands I place this brush
and into your heart I place my trust.  Make me,
shape me, and design me how you see will
best draw others to you and help me to wait!"

Only two years before I experienced my
great storm I claimed this as my life verse. 
I had already lived much of this verse when
my mother took her own life and only those
closest to our family has known what a
an experience that has been for my
myself, my brothers and sisters 
and for my father to go
through the trials and struggles
and the dark storms that brought forth.

Yet the storms didn't stop coming they
only subsided for a period of time.  I must
say if I had not claimed this as my life verse,
I wouldn't be here today. 

So I wait to see what the Lord's final
unveiling for my life will be! 

Will he leave the dark trenches at the foot
of the mountains or will he fill them
with flowers growing abundantly at the 
crevice of the majestic peaks?

Will he leave the dark clouds or will
he move them into the distance and
add a rainbow shining through
 them radiating his glory?

Will he fill the canvas with teardrops or
will he fill the canvas with people drawn
to Christ because of the teardrops? 

Will he show me ever walking by
his side or will he show me
limping and wounded and turning
away from his face? 

What will the final canvas reveal?
Only the artist knows!


PSALMS 27

The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
the LORD is the strength of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked,
even mine enemies and my foes,
came upon me to eat up my flesh,
they stumbled and fell. Though an host
should encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear:
though war should rise against me,
in this will I be confident.
One thing have I desired of the LORD,
that will I seek after;
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to behold the beauty of the LORD,
and to enquire in his temple.
For in the time of trouble
he shall hide me in his pavilion:
in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me;
he shall set me up upon a rock.
And now shall mine head be lifted
up above mine enemies round about me:
therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy;
I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.
Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice:
have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
When thou saidst, Seek ye my face;
my heart said unto thee,
Thy face, LORD, will I seek.
Hide not thy face far from me;
put not thy servant away in anger:
thou hast been my help;
leave me not, neither forsake me,
O God of my salvation.
When my father and my mother forsake me,
then the LORD will take me up.
Teach me thy way,
O LORD, and lead me in a plain path,
because of mine enemies.
Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies:
for false witnesses are risen up against me,
and such as breathe out cruelty.
I had fainted, unless I had believed to see
the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage,
and he shall strengthen thine heart:
wait, I say, on the LORD.
 

PART VI FINDING THE HEART OF GOD IN LIFE'S GREATEST STORMS

Photo provided by Jana Long

Taken by Mike Mezuel II

Storms were made to pass.  They were never made
to stay, so if you allow your storm to keep
tormenting you and destroying your life than it
is you who holds it there, not God. 

I have never in history
seen a time that an earthquake shook the foundation
and just kept shaking until eternity past.  I've never seen
a tornado that spun in the same location until
the end of time.  No, storms come and storms go. 
It is up to us to let it pass on by, pick up the debris
and rebuild.

If you choose to hold the tornado
by the tail and allow it to keep sucking the life out
of you then you would be considered foolish.
But isn't that what we tend to do?  Not only do we
get our grip on the tornado and let it keep destroying
our lives but we turn the tail on our family members,
our friends and co-workers so that it 
can suck the life out of them also.
 If we could see with our eyes the tornado spinning
we might would let it go, but you see,
we are blinded by it, all the while we let it keep bringing
destruction, sorrow and deeper pain into
everyone's lives around us. 

There comes a time that we must let the storm pass
on by.  We must look at the debris and focus on how
to restore our lives, not to just restore but to even
make it better than before. 

 Sometimes it is hard for us to see
that the mountains in our lives were actually keeping
us from being who we were created to be. 
There are times that the beauty of the mountain
keeps us from seeing the beauty of our Lord Jesus Christ. 
When the mountain shakes and falls we feel
our lives are hopeless.  The truth is sometimes the
mountain has to fall before we can see Christ.
The Lord doesn't want us to be content and
enjoy the high mountain experiences so much that
we fail to be who we really made to be. 

After your storm you may be able to walk on the
mountain tops and see Christ there, you may be able
to walk in the valley and see him there, and you may be
able to lie down in the green meadows and find
him there.  At this point in your life you will find
it really doesn't matter if you are on the mountains
high, in the valley low or resting in the luscious green
grass because no matter where your body is,
Christ becomes the main thing you see and when
he becomes your focus all the other things
in life become so small.

It's not always easy to get our focus where
it needs to be, but when we do the
peace of God will be with us no matter
the storm.  This is something even
Jesus Christ himself did.  He set his eyes
on His Father and this is what carried him
through the greatest storm in history.

Hebrews 12:2

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;
who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross,
despising the shame, and is set down at the
right hand of the throne of God.

PART V FINDING THE HEART OF GOD IN LIFE'S GREATEST STORMS

Photo provided by Jana Long

Taken by Mike Mezuel II

Some of you may say, "You sure are 

arrogant to say you have found the

Heart of God in your storm."  I must

say if that is what you have gotten 

out of this, then you might be 

focusing on the wrong thing.  For

you see this is not a story about 

me finding the Heart of God during

my past storms.  What I am writing, 

is me looking to find the Heart of God 

in all my storms, past, present and future. 

I pray I will always seek him in my

storms and will continue to 

seek the Heart of God from the great

storm I've already lived through.  

The one thing that I've learned over these

last twelve or thirteen years is that I

continue to learn and grow and therefore

I need to continue to seek the Heart

of God each and every day.  

There may be some of you who say, 

"Well you should have never gotten yourself

into that sort of storm to begin with."  I must 

whole heatedly agree with you!  Some have

already said, "Well you should have never left 

your husband."  That may also be the truth 

but the fact still remains, there were things

going on in my marriage that needed 

dealt with and I felt this was the only

way I could deal with it.  There were other

options but they would have been far more

devastating to others.  I can plainly see now,

that the option I chose was not a good one

either.  You see, my hindsight is far better

than my foresight.  

Some of you may say, 

"If you would have kept serving the Lord 

and doing right it would have never happened"  

I must say, I did make a lot of horrible 

decisions but the one thing I didn't do was 

to walk away from the Lord and I didn't go 

looking for another man.  I was content being 

single and living my life in the church and serving.  

I didn't turn to men out in the world and I 

didn't purposely set out to break up lives

and cause devastation.  

You see, there are times that 

people have made decisions in their 

lives that are still inside the church, they are 

still serving and lest you get to know them 

well, you will find out that you honestly 

don't know them at all.  

The person who locked in on my life 

was just that.  He served in 

the church and lived a life, as if he was a 

person who had lived a rough life in his earlier

years and then decided to follow the Lord.  

I found the cobra that was ta-toed on his arm

was not a past life but was there waiting ever so 

patient to find the right person at the right time,

in the right spot, to victimize.  I just happened to be

weak and vulnerable and his venom awaited that 

perfect time to strike.  

I don't believe all of our churches are

filled with people like this but I do believe when the 

scripture says that in the last days there will be 

wolves in sheep clothing, than we must be vigilant and

watching for just those people and yet not blaming 

every person who comes along of being a wolf. 

We all know there are truly people who

have been redeemed from a hard life-style and 

have truly turned from their own ways. 

Now I must say, "If you want to condemn me." I 

can probably give you enough ammunition to

do so but I have learned to walk in the grace 

of God's forgiveness instead of the 

condemnation that I could put upon 

myself for letting a person assist me when I 

needed help and then getting caught into what 

became a trap I couldn't escape.  For a period of 

a few months, I made some of the largest, 

stupidest mistakes in my life and I must say the storm 

was large for everyone who lived in and around me.  

For this I must reap the harvest of the pains

of lives that I shattered and people who

were hurt in the path of my destruction,

as I am sure there are more

than what I am aware of.   

The Texas Rangers felt there was no

possible way I would have avoided

the situation no matter how I tried

as he was determined that I was his

victim and I should be thankful I was

able to get loose.

To this I say that in the future, I hope

to be wiser  but also not live as every

man I cross paths with are sociopathic.

Recently the Lord laid this song 

upon my heart and when I wrote these words

I didn't have any idea that sharing my story is part 

of breaking the chains and setting me free, but

I truly believe it must be part of being set free as 

up until two weeks ago I would have never agreed 

to share this storm with others.  This was my 

secret, it was the part of my life I had damned up and 

quite frankly I was more than content leaving it that 

way.  I am guessing I shouldn't have written this 

song, for you see the Lord took me serious. 

As I started writing my story I realized that even

though my heart had found healing, I was 

still allowing the chains of keeping this to myself

bind me and hold me back from all the Lord 

wants to do in and through me. 

So with this, I leave the words to the song:

AWAKEN MY SOUL 

Awaken my soul, Awaken soul

Awaken my soul to live for thee

Awaken my soul, Awaken my soul 

Awaken my soul to live for thee 

Holy Spirit fall on me

Let your presence rest on me 

Mold my life and help me live for you 

Holy Spirit fall on me 

Let my light shine bright for thee 

Holy spirit fall, fall on me 

Awaken my soul, Awaken my soul 

Awaken my soul to live for thee 

Awaken my soul, Awaken my soul

Awaken my soul to live for thee

Holy Spirit fall on me 

Break the chains and set me free

The chains of bondage that are so deep and strong 

Break them apart and set me free 

So that I might live for thee

Holy Spirit fall, fall on me 

Awaken my soul, Awaken my soul 

Awaken my soul to live for thee 

Awaken my soul, Awaken my soul 

Awaken my soul to live for thee 

Holy Spirit fall on me 

Cleans my heart and set me free 

Guide my feet as I walk each day 

Awake my soul to sing your praise

Lift my voice and not be afraid

Holy Spirit fall, fall on me 

Awaken my soul, Awaken my soul 

Awaken my soul to live for thee

Awaken my soul, Awaken my soul 

Awaken my soul to live for thee